Nameless@Passing through the lobby [CL] (200.54.*.*)
My life is miserable. It's a really lousy one, I mean it. In fact, it's so miserable that if something too good were to happen today, I could start believing in some goddamn god any moment, just because I would be really grateful that something good happened to me for once. I could pray, even. I mean that.
Nameless@Passing through the lobby [CL] (179.4.*.*)
Something that I've learnt over the past few years is that no matter how bad our lifes are, we (Chileans) are most likely living better than 50% of the world population, and if you have access to higher education, then you live better than 75%-80% of the world pop. In that case, I think you should start feeling gratitude, maybe to God, your parents or whatever, but yeah, it seems kind of infantile to think that you have to pissed. What always kept me from necking myself was the fact that I would feel regret my whole life about it.
Honestly, I was just like you, another sad young guy that felt like powers beyond him were making his like shit, plus I'm short, ugly and thin so literally no women ever felt attracted to me. But honestly, it's pretty much like that for everyone except a few fortunate people, like 1 in every 50 or 100 has a good rewarding 'easy mode' life. Yes, life is shitty, and you have to make the best out of this shitty situation that we are in. You can't always have the life you want, but you can try to make it better by trying to make small changes around you. It's far more rewarding when you look back and notice that you have improved in some aspects of yourself.
When I was more immature, I was angry and pissed and hurt all the time because, I felt 'pain', and when you are like that you just want everyone to experience your pain too, however you notice that you can't hurt people, so you act mean and hurt others. That's the start of depression I would say, and while personally that took me through adolescence, I noticed that in the end people give you back what you put into them too (most do anyways, and those that don't just fucking suck and don't deserve friends or family). If you are making social interactions with your 'would be' friends or your brothers or parents or even the people that you meet once in your lifetime unpleseant, then it's impossible for things to get better. Think, from a 3rd Person perspective your actions, put yourself in your parent's shoes when you say depressing stuff or hurtful stuff. I don't promote a religion (although I do believe there must be a force or something out there) or whatever newage self-help books try to sell, but it's just what has worked for me over this 1.5 years, just try to be nice without thinking too much about it.
Also, you might be depressed and have no motivation like we all do at some point, but try to find a hobby, something that helped me a lot was practicing table tennis in college, it made me socialize more, boosted my health and taught me the power of practice. Yes, all hobbies are escapism from the 'existential void' or the 'human condition', but they are much better than sobbing about your life. I mean, most people here know a bit about programming, why don't you make a thread and try to learn it? I'm sure most guys will reach out and help. It can be anything that requires you to have an active role and promotes something positive in you (no videogames, anime, series, movies or whatever unless you review them or something).
I say again: I'm not a super cool guy that fucks different chicks every weekend trying to give advice to people I can't relate to and saying stuff that I've never really tried in my life, I must be just like everyone in here, I like nerdy stuff and I'm not the greatest at socializing. However, I think I've became more open and I've tried to right my wrongs, and it has honestly changed me a lot. I'm still paranoid, shy and quiet; because that things constitute part of what I am, but I've eased the weight they put on my shoulders. I've incorporated things that I would never have thought or done, and all it took was to be more open to people.
Hell, if you feel like you got no friends and live on Santiago, just tell me a place and I'll meet you to drink some beers and talk about stuff. Don't give up, life is actually a beautiful thing.
Nameless@Passing through the lobby [CL] (179.4.*.*)
¿What other choice but gratitude, peace and self-improvement you have?
Even then, you didn't live in a country where they take children from young ages to become soldiers or where they are so malnourished that they can barely stand. You are lucky that you where born in a country where people bomb you, shoot you and your only way out is becoming part of it. At least you can feel gratitude about that, or what about the fact that you have access to Internet? Or the fact that you can write in English? You have stuff going on for you, whether you like it or not. Be thankful because some people made it possible for you to achieve that.
If you feel life is so bad just pull the trigger or jump from the roof, I'm trying to be positive, support you and getting you out of a hole, but I can't do shit if you don't want to help yourself first. Unfortunately, self pity is like a drug, it's a downwards spiral into depression and a sense of powerlessness, and unless you view yourself from the perspective of a 3rd Person you will always feel that there's nothing you can do.
You gotta understand that there isn't any magic trick or wise word that will turn your life around. Turning a shitty life around takes effort and pain, no easy way around it, and even in most religions God is supposed to help those that are willing to make Earth a better place.
I sincerely wish I could help you, but it seems to me that if you are like that, you are beyond the help that Internet can offer.
And you don't even put it straight, what do you really want? if you want God in your life, just read a bunch of texts and decide what fits your world view better.